Internal Reflection
by Necklace of Raindrops
Summary: To find yourself and where you fit. Any world is as real as you make it whether it is flesh and blood or data. [drabbles][shouenai]
1. Internal Reflection

Disclaimer: Sadly my name doesn't appear to be in the credits.

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Internal Reflection 

The windows of his office afford a good view out into the outside world, but sometimes when the light catches them _just right_ their polished gleam turns inward and he is surrounded by mirrors that press his office back upon him.

He sees Blues' face reflected in them whenever it rains and the raindrops patter out a melancholy tune on the rooftop.

He sees Laika's face when frost paints delicate, muted pictures and as it snows and sharp edges are softened with white.

He sees Netto's face whenever the sunlight glints off glass and brightens the room with its warmth.

* * *

It's strange. He can see all their faces and yet wherever he looks, he cannot find his own. 


	2. Fragile

A massive thankyou to Zaerith-Chan, lightningstar-Icy, MarshmellowDragon and everyone else who has reviewed for encouraging me to keep churning out strange, angst-ridden stuff :D

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Fragile

He says that he is strong _(and under the harsh lights of the stadium, with the roar of the crowd pressing against both of you like an ocean and slipping into your bloodstreams like a drug, he is) _but here, where it is only the two of you under the light of the moon, you want to say that his skin looks like china, more like a porcelain representation of a human rather than true flesh and blood.

Closer, _closer_ (if he'll let you) and maybe you'll see the hairline fractures, the cracks.

Touch him, gently, slowly_ (be careful Netto! You're always so clumsy!)_ Put your arms around him, enfold him in safety. _(Be careful!)_

So fragile…Handle him too roughly and he might shatter.


	3. Indebted

Indebted

It seems that he is in debt to his father.

He knows _(really, he does)_ that this debt can never be repaid, and yet, he still forces himself to keep pouring millions into it in the vain hope _(pride, stubbornness? It's not that clear at three in the morning when he still has another report to go and he's just stopped himself from nose-diving into the keyboard for the second time) _that somehow he can clear enough of this debt to at least make his father _proud. _He'll settle for that.

Hikari can think what he wants to.

The only reason he helped him was because he already has more debt than he can ever hope to repay.

He doesn't want to accumulate anymore.

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Sorry, I've just been made aware by a couple of reviews that I haven't made it clear exacty why Enzan feels he is debt. While I was writing this, I imagined that Enzan might somehow feel responsible for his mother's death and decided that he is indebted to his father by that, but please feel free to insert any angsty reason you can think of. 


	4. View from the Abyss

Hopefully it should be pretty clear just who's narrating this. Hopefully.

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The View from the Abyss

At his core, he knows who he is _(a scar and loss and ultimate, complete vengeance.) _He almost pities these others who simply stumble forward, not completely understanding why they do so and without the driving force of clear ideals to follow.

Almost.

But to pity would to be weak, and so instead he despises these creatures that are so easily manipulated and wish so desperately for control and power _(wish because these are two things they have not obtained, and that is why he does not wish. He has control and he will not long for power - he just takes it.)_

It is almost ridiculous how hard they work to be seen, to be remembered. _(He prefers the shadows, and when he does wish to be seen, they __will__ see him.)_

However, he does not wish to be remembered.

_If he has his way, there will be nothing left to remember him. _


	5. Hidden Epitaph

Hidden Epitaph 

There is a small, simple gravestone on the edge of the graveyard hidden from (_Netto cannot know until he is ready – a day that slips through the weeks and months and years without finding its place) _the public gaze and those that could recognise a name and start to make connections.

He is happy. He doesn't know why he still thinks of that place. He has achieved the impossible, there is only ash beneath that stone and what truly matters of Saito is here.

_Isn't it?_

There are new flowers on the grave every month.


	6. Heart of the Universe

The Heart of the Universe

The sun is setting for the last time in a glorious blaze of crimson.

_Your _sun, the life giving star that became the centre of your universe without you even realizing it, the gravitational pull you resisted with every fibre of your being - and thought you had escaped - because you knew instinctively that if you fell into that sun you would be consumed by its fire and passion and changed completely and forever, only to find that the sun had somehow dragged you into an unsteady orbit around it, basking in its energy and warmth.

Except now your sun is exploding in a burst of incalculable power, in a supernova of emotion, and in a few minutes all that will be left is a hungry, cold black hole.

And you won't just be able to find a comfort orbit around that, it'll pull you in and_ consume you completely._


	7. Reach

Reach

Call him. Scream his name and maybe if you push enough sheer emotion into it _(wecandothis,wehavetobeathim,don'teventhinkofleavingme)_, maybe it'll pull him back. You always beat the bad guys, that's the unwritten but acknowledged script. There isn't room for even contemplating what will happen if you somehow fail.

Press your fingers against the cold screen of the computer _(as far away as if you where on the other side of the globe from him and if there's one thing you __hate__ it's being helpless)_. Enough pressure and maybe that hard surface will suddenly give way, and your hands will sink through it like that movie you saw once _(stranger things have happened). _Then you'll be in there, and you can shake him and yell at him and you'll both laugh, despite the fact the guy will have that stupidly oversized cannon stuck in your faces, and then you'll go and kick his butt.

End of story.

Cold hands and the computer screen isn't going anywhere. _(You never did know when to give up). _

* * *

Uh, yeah. Sorry for taking ages to update anything, a mate introduced me to Hellsing and it's been eating away what's left of my brain, but I'll always have a special place in my heart for Rockman :3

* * *

_Why must you always be just beyond my fingertips? _


	8. Irritant

Finally! Something that's not completely drenched in angst, but hopefully a little more bittersweet :3

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Irritant

Netto does not know many things _(that is perfectly obvious from the start). _Sadly amongst the knowledge that Netto lacks are those unspoken rules, the silent laws that no one is actively taught, but _understand _anyway. Things such as personal space and when to _back off_ and _give up, _because someone is _really not interested _in becoming your _friend/pal/soul buddy._

Or, knowing Netto, he does have an _inkling _of the rules, but is just too _pigheaded_ to adhere to them.

Becuase, no matter how many times you knock him down, Netto persists and bounces straights back and wears you down until, before you realise it, he's crawled under your skin like a peculiar type of itch.

So, you scratch, scratch in your nails and think you can still _claw_ him out and teach him for trying so hard to reach you. Show Netto he's wrong, _wrong _thinking you need to change.

It's only later you'll stand in the ruins of the defences you tore down with your own hands, and realise there's nothing left to keep him out.


End file.
